I have always been...hesitant, to say the least, to enter a relationship. As my mother reminds me all too often, I tend to be a selfish person, especially recently. In my twenties, I feel like it's okay, almost necessary to be selfish - not with your time, your money, or your sympathy, but with yourself. You are discovering who you are all over again, and as you test boundaries, figure shit out, and (hopefully) begin to like what you see in yourself, it's only natural to hold that close, treasure it, because it's so fragile and you're afraid there isn't enough of it to give to someone else. I always felt that I couldn't have a relationship and at the same time grow personally and continue to be a full and complete version of myself. I was under the impression that being in a relationship was what Isha Judd refers to in this article; she says, "Unfortunately, often in relationships we play small, stuck in insecurity and sheltering ourselves within the role of co-dependency." That was what I had done in the past. I was afraid to see myself in a role - as a "girlfriend." But I realize now that I never have to define myself int he context of a role.
At the risk of divulging too much information and becoming boring or pedantic, I don't wish to preach about "love." But I have to say that this article hits close to home. I am a person who is constantly on the path to self discovery, always wanting to grow, to do, to be. I began my current relationship when I was at an important time in my life; I was listening to myself, sure of myself, and confident as to who I was. My life felt full. But then I met John and I realized what more my life was capable of holding. As Judd says, this person unlocked parts of myself that I never knew existed. And instead of shutting them out, which is what I would have done in the past, afraid to open up my insecurities at the risk of becoming pigeonholed into a "role," I gave way and began to flourish. Growing with someone can be just as enriching as growing independently. Instead of looking around to people or "things" in our lives, looking within ourselves unlocks the most satisfying self discovery. Ans once this happens, you might be surprised at how much of yourself that you have, and are willing, to give.
