I'm baaaack

So after a slight hiatus, I begin again. Though my absence has probably not been missed by many, I have felt the slight void in my life where my blog used to reside. Admittedly, I have been pretty uninspired as of late, but I have also been busy doing and being.  I'm continuing my research, (so much to read, seriously, never ending!) started another class, have visited friends, met new friends, taken a few trips to the beach, attended a jazz festival!, been trying some new restaurants and wine...needless to say I have been enjoying my summer.

I decided the best way to dive back in was to write about a recent article I read in the NY Times, "Friends of a certain age: Why is it so hard to make friends after 30?" Now you're probably saying to yourself, "wait, she's not over 30?!" and I thank you for remembering that, but I think this article raises a lot of good points that hit close to home for many post-college people. I've written a lot about friendships over the past few months, as I began to realize just how important my relationships are to me in my life, and that will never change. I have my group of girl friends that I lived with in college that are like sisters to me, and I have a girl friend I've grown up with who is literally like a member of my family, even when we go without talking for a while. But making new friends? I feel like that's a daunting task when you are no longer living in a community that fosters adventure and new friendships.

 Friendship Stage 1: In college, the more the merrier

In the past, I've always hung out with different "types" of people. In college, I know my friends, (my now sisters) would sometimes look at me like I was crazy when I would hang out with some of the people that I did. But truth be told, I didn't care about what that girl did on Saturday nights because that's not when I hung out with her, and I didn't care that the group of guys I hung out with were a little "quirky" because they kept me laughing. I always felt a little strange that I never really have one single group of friends - like I was missing out on something. But maybe, what the article suggests about "adult" friendships is true: maybe it's best that we have certain friends for certain things. As we get older, who we are becomes clearer, and our needs from other people become more apparent and demanding. So then it becomes okay to have a workout buddy, and a reading buddy, and the friend you know you can always count on to have a few drinks with. I think that we can count on the fact that as we grow older and our lives change even more, the way we go about making friends and keeping relationships will have to change as well. And I think that's okay.

Chicks before...dicks? Can I say that here?

 via musingsinfemininity

Throughout my life, it's been hard for me to relate to women. As a kid I mostly kept to myself, spent time with my horses, (I acknowledge that I was am a loser) had my nose in a book, and identified best with my male classmates. This lasted until I went to college where I had my first close group of female friends. Don't get me wrong, I had girl friends in grade school, one of my best friends today lived next door to me for most of my childhood, but I was always weary of female friendships because of the stigma that surrounds them - they intimidate me. I don't do drama, up until recently I was oblivious that I was even supposed to have insecurities, I'm a logical thinker, and (again, up until recently) barely got emotional. I just felt that it was easier to talk to guys about most of my problems. When I was really upset I didn't want someone to tell me what I wanted to hear to spare my feelings - a typically female trait - I wanted someone to tell it to me straight, no matter how it would make me feel - a typical male trait. I'm still that way. In the past I have approached relationships like a guy: practical, somewhat detached, most likely to bail when things got tough (my apologies to guys here, I am most certainly generalizing) so most of the time my female friends would respond to one of my relationship complaints with an eye roll and a, "Stop being such a duuuude."

But now, for the first time in quite awhile, I am in a serious relationship, and for what may be the very first time in my life, am seeing the value in female relationships. Your twenties are something that no one prepares you for and you feel like you're re-navigating your way through puberty all over again, except this time, the stakes are higher and you're supposed to have your shit together. Your body changes in weird ways, your goals evolve, your relationships are more serious, and money means more to you than beer. You need someone in your life who knows what you're going through, who can relate, laugh, and share in your misery. For the first time in my life, a friendship with a guy just wont suffice. This became apparent a few weeks ago when I was having a conversation with my boyfriend. Both he and I are passionate people, discuss topics from politics to future dreams, and I feel like it's okay to be completely open and honest about anything...but a line needed to be drawn, and rightfully so. I was complaining to him, trying, but failing, to articulate what it was like to be a twenty-something female, when he looked up at me, desperation in his eyes and said, "Can't you talk to Farah about this?" And he was right. There was no possible way he was going to get what I was saying, and neither would any of my male friends.

I'm thankful that I am in my twenties in a post-sexandthecity world where female relationships aren't all about sex talk, bra size, and diets. My friends and I do share the same insecurities; we also share the same pressures, high hopes, and dedication to get what we want out of life. It's to the point where, if I don't hang out with my girl friends, I desperately miss them. I'm craving some 'ovaries before brovaries' time and where I used to think that was a flaw in my dude-like demeanor, I now see it as a vital part of a balanced life. Some things are likely never to change: for instance, I'll probably always be the most masculine of my friends, continue to wear boys clothes, never fantasize about a wedding, and go on participating in the crusade for women's lib....but I'm okay with that.