Quarter of a century

Your twenties are an awkward time - no one ever tells you that. No one ever tells you the unrest that you'll feel, the war that wages as you try to figure out how to evolve into the person you want to be, while trying to make sense of the person you once were. The last time this type of identity crisis occurred, you had the yearbook photos to match this awkward moment in time - your body struggling to fill out or slim down, braces, glasses, frizzy hair. Trying to cope while trying to blend in. But the type of soul searching you do in your twenties happens alone, introspectively, and those taunts from your peers are nothing compared to the harsh things you think and say to yourself - the judgements you pass because you don't feel like you're where you need to be.

Someone asked me today how it felt to be 25 (not quuuiiiite there yet) and honestly, it doesn't feel horrible. I have worked hard to create some order in my life and it's a struggle I wrestle with daily. Sometimes, I feel like a duck on a pond - still above the water, but beneath the surface, my legs are furiously churning, just trying to stay afloat. In the present, I am constantly trying to figure out who I want to be and what influence my past has on my future. But I can't forget to be thankful that I have the luxury of self-reflection and regulation. I can't forget to live my life as it happens now.